


Playing Pretend

by Lilbreck



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-09
Updated: 2010-06-09
Packaged: 2017-10-10 01:00:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilbreck/pseuds/Lilbreck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a pattern they've developed without discussion or planning. It's just the way they do things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Playing Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written/posted 01-15-05

Sometimes she pretends they're strangers. She'll be sitting at the bar, acting like she's not waiting for someone, and he'll walk up, order a whiskey and sit down next to her. They'll sit there, drinking in silence, appearing calm and uninterested in each other. Inside though, she's strung tight as a bow, just waiting for him to make his move.

Three drinks in and she feels his hand high up on her thigh. Half way through her fourth drink, she feels him get up from his barstool. As he passes behind her, his hand trails over her hip and across her back. Sipping on the last half of her drink, she counts in her head the space of five minutes. It's always like this; three drinks finished, four fingers trailed across her back and five minutes spent waiting. It's a pattern they've developed without discussion or planning. It's just the way they do things.

Three hundred seconds counted out and she stands up, puts money on the bar, and follows in the direction he left. In her mind, she plays out a fantasy. She never found out about the things that go bump in the night, and they never came to get her. She took up the offer from the software company that had tried to recruit her during her junior year of high school and she's on a fast track career in computers. Feeling a bit of nostalgia, she's come home for a visit. He could be anyone; it doesn't really matter, just as long as he's a stranger.

She walks into the dark alley, knowing he's behind the door waiting for her. She still makes a show of looking for him; it's just how they do it. He comes up behind her, hands smoothing down the sleeves of her shirt. He's leaning in, rubbing his chin against the side of her neck and suddenly she forgets all about pretending he's a stranger.

Instead, she pretends he's always wanted her. She imagines him seething with jealousy when she was with Tara. She imagines he spent countless nights, alone in his crypt, getting off to fantasies of what he wanted to do to her. Part of her feels guilty for these thoughts, as if she were betraying Tara somehow with them. However, the thrill she gets from pretending with him, it banishes the guilt as well as some of the pain from Tara's death. She thinks Tara would understand.

The feel of him turning her around and backing her towards the side of the building brings her back to the here and now. His voice is in her ear, low and harsh, telling her how she's been teasing him for the past week. He says he knows she's been wearing that perfume just because he told her how much it turns him on. In truth, she doesn't even really remember him saying that. Sure, she remembers him saying something about her smell, but the feel of his skin underneath her hands was distracting her at the time.

There's always a desperate feel to his kisses, as if he's been dying to do this. While she's pretty sure this is just a Spike thing, she likes to pretend it's just for her. She tries to give just as much as she gets, but part of her wonders if she's ever felt as passionate as he seems to. It feels like there's a never-ending hunger behind every caress, driving every encounter. She's afraid she'll never be able to sate that hunger, no matter how hard she tries. Willow's never been one to accept failure easily though, so she does her best to feed him, to fill him up with her.

He pulls back suddenly and she feels his hands on either side of her head. She opens her eyes and he's right there in front of her, that hunger burning just behind his eyes. Tonight there's something else, an almost lost look there as well. Before she can try to figure it out though, she hears him talking again. He's telling her that they need to go somewhere. She doesn't understand why Spike's changing the rules, but she follows along anyway.

It seems to take forever, but they're finally at a motel. The door barely has time to slam shut before they're halfway across the room. She tries to rip off his shirt but he stops her. Pushing her gently down onto the bed, he tells her just to let him. He kisses and licks every inch of skin as he uncovers it, and there's an almost tangible feeling of reverence behind it all. A knot begins to form in her throat and there's a burning behind her eyes. By the time he's inside her, she's crying steadily.

He stops and asks her if something's wrong. When she can't answer, he makes as if to pull out, but she shakes her head and pulls him back to her. Pulling him down for a kiss, she urges him to move. When he pulls back out of their kiss, something he sees in her eyes stops him.

"Willow?"

She has not idea how to answer the question he seems to be asking, so she kisses him and hopes that's answer enough.

Afterward, as she's lying half-asleep in his arms, she tries to figure out what it is they're really doing. It seemed so simple at first; they were both looking for comfort. But tonight… Something changed tonight, and she couldn't tell if it was for the better or not.

"Get some rest, Red. It'll all work itself out, it always does."

She wonders if he really expects her to believe that, or if he even believes it himself.


End file.
